List by: Michelle Lowe

Imagine you are at your job minding your own business when suddenly you hear some of your peers screaming obscenities at you as they drive by. You would be pretty pissed, right? OK, so let's say your job is making pies at D-hall. Your first reaction would be to throw the pies in their faces, right? Well let's say you work for JMU Parking Services —you look down at your hands and well, lookie there: a shiny new blue ticket thingamajig. What would you do next?

That's what I thought during my brief stint as a parking service attendant. Students who work for Parking Services are students. Sure you've heard that before, but think about it for minute. College students need money, and Parking Services pays students better than most on-campus jobs. Once a student gets a job, they follow the rules. There is really nothing inherently evil about that, and from experience I can tell you that there would be nothing evil about it at all if members of the JMU community would stop going out of their way to make the situation strained.

The enforcement officers and parking monitors have nothing to do with the reasoning behind their assignments. Parking attendants did not decide commuters students are not allowed to park in R1; it is not their idea to close certain lots for special events; and for the love of God, they are definitely not there to piss you off, so stop taking it so personally! Although students who work for Parking Services are not exempt from receiving parking violations, we do know about a few loopholes. So to show there's no hard feelings, and as a peace offering (even though we didn't start it!), I have some suggestions for those of you who are quite fed up with parking at JMU, because frankly, we are fed up with you taking it out on us.

Tips From The Dark Side

1. So you're hungry and you want to grab a bite at Duke's — to avoid that hefty $50 fire lane violation, just put two of your wheels on the sidewalk for a $20 risk.

2. Hazard lights draw attention not only to the fact that you parked illegally, but that you know it and did it anyway. If that's not asking for a ticket, what is?

3. So you see an enforcement officer ticketing your car ... yelling is going to get you no where, but extremely rude or dangerous reactions might get you somewhere — standing in front of the judicial board, possibly.

4. Random cursing at enforcement officers or parking monitors is the NUMBER ONE reason tickets are issued at 3:55 p.m. in lots that open to students at 4:00 p.m. A little respect could go a long way — keep your mouths shut.

5. During the week, ticketing shifts begin at 7:30 a.m. and end at 11:00 p.m. — not exactly "enforced 24 hours a day, 365 days a year."

6. For those of you who like to have dinner at the Festival or work out late at UREC, the chances of getting a ticket on the East side of campus after 6:00 p.m. are very slim (or at least they were before this was printed ...).

7. If your visiting friend or parent receives a parking violation for an "Unregistered Vehicle" they do not have to pay! The only power Parking Services has is to put a hold on a student's records. If a non-student gets a ticket all they have to do is call the parking office and tell them they arrived too late to get a visitor's pass and the citation will be voided. (NOTE: Seniors, don't get carried away ... they can keep you from getting your diploma for a while.)

8. Towing: idle threat in terms of Parking Services, the JMU police could get you though.

9. There is a hit list hanging up in the parking office. Do not try to trade or steal parking passes, nor try to run over enforcement officers or parking monitors, because you might end up on the list.

10. Notes on your windshield won't keep you from getting a ticket; enforcement officers do not even read them.