agoodguyforyou: Interview With the Man Behind the Ads
Local bachelor seeks love in JMU's dating pool

Interview by: Nikki Sowers

If you have read The Breeze classifieds lately you’ve probably noticed a certain ad that’s quite a departure from the usual fare of “Tore-up Civic available for a mere $15,000.” You probably already know that I’m referring to none other than our very own ad Lothario, AGoodGuy4U. After about a month of recurring ads, my journalistic interest was piqued, so I set out to uncover the man behind the bold matchmaking scheme. I must say that I was a bit wary of meeting this rather ballsy individual, but I am pleased to report that the interview was a piece of cake and I obviously had nothing to fear. However, our mystery man did wish to retain some degree of anonymity, so we have settled on the alias of “Jake” after my initial suggestion of “Pimp Daddy Welfare” was all too hastily rejected.

At any rate, Jake and I had an enjoyable conversation and despite his obvious ineptness at Wu-Tang trivia (I suppose we can overlook it this time), he otherwise seems to be a nice fellow. So all you chicken heads take note because Jake just might be right up your alley. And no, that wasn’t intended to be a derogatory or sexist remark. Geez, you broads are so sensitive.

Nikki: So, uh, “Jake”, we’re still going to be keeping this interview on the anonymous tip, so no need to stress about losing your mystique, or being ostracized by your peers.
Jake: Well, I did want to let people know that if they get in contact with me, I do have pictures of myself available.

N: Good to know. Blind faith isn’t for everyone. Let’s get down to business, then. So what exactly prompted you to place these ads in The Breeze?
J: Well, as my ad said, I’m not really into the “bar scene” per se and women my age tend to bring a lot of baggage into a relationship.

N: Thrice divorced with six kids? I gotcha. Then, what kind of qualities should your ideal woman possess?

J: I would say that I value honesty and devotion. I would like to meet a woman with good personal skills. I find that a lot of guys find having an actual conversation to be like pulling teeth. I’m actually big on communication. I’m really close to my parents and siblings, so finding someone that’s big on family would be nice.

N: Uh huh. Family, communication, honesty. Right. You’re a guy, so I know you must have some sort of physical stipulations.
J: Well, yeah. Physical attraction is important after all. I tend to go for brunettes between 5’1” and 5’5.” Ideally, I would go for someone like Jennifer Aniston or Ashley Judd. Average build. But I’m open minded, really.

N: Well, good luck with those requirements, ladies. Let’s say you met a nice, nubile JMU gal. What kind of relationship are you looking for?
J: Well, to start with, a serious relationship is not the sort of thing one can plan. Either it happens or it doesn’t. As I said in the ad, I enjoy a lot of the simple things — going out to dinner, movies, weekend getaways. I have a wide variety of interests, so there’s a good chance that a date and I would find things we could both enjoy.

N: How do you feel about the possibility of young ‘uns?
J: I’m pretty neutral on the subject. I’d probably max out at two kids, but, again, I guess it depends on the woman.

N: Okay, now a little bit of info for the ladies. Which of your personal qualities did your old flames find the most endearing?
J: Probably my affectionate nature. I’m not afraid to show people that I love my girlfriend. One girl I dated liked the fact that I was kind of a “classic gentleman.” I always picked up the tab. She was impressed by my generosity.

N: Not bad, not bad. Okay, let’s talk a little bit about the casual side of “Jake.” How do you get your jollies when you’re not busy working?
J: I like to play golf. I dabble in the stock market.

This is one of the ads, reprinted from the Sept. 11, 2000 issue of The Breeze.

N: Does that mean you’re a pretty straight-laced guy or is there some rebellious streak that I have yet to uncover? J: I’m not a geek or anything. I like racing and speed in general. I like to gamble a bit. I’m big on movies. I usually see at least three a month. Sports, working out … N: Ahh, I see you’re quite the guy’s guy. Well, I guess the obvious question is, Yankees or Mets? J: I’m not really interested. I’d rather be watching football. N: Well, then. I think I’ve met my quota for generic/pertinent questions. Now it’s time for the definitive Turf interview question. What’s on your mix tape? J: Hmm, that’s a tough one, but I would have to say: Terence Trent D’Arby: “Sign Your Name” N’SYNC: “Bye Bye Bye” (What can I say, folks? It’s damned catchy.) Jon B: “Someone to Love” Tonic: “If You Could Only See” Asia: “Heat of the Moment” Marcy Playground: “Sex and Candy” Prince: “Raspberry Beret” Lenny Kravitz: “Fly Away” Def Leppard: “Pour Some Sugar On Me” Scorpions: “There’s No One Like You” Sammy Hagar: “I Can’t Drive 55” N: Hmmm, a boy band, the Purple One, and shades of cock rock. Very interesting … J: I have varied musical tastes. N: I can certainly see that. How about a few more quick questions? If you had to choose between having your own personal harem or marrying one hot mamma, which one would you pick? J: One woman is plenty. N: Leno or Letterman? J: Letterman. I’m more into dry humor. I’m also a fan of “The Chris Rock Show.” N: As well you should be. Um, is there any celebrity that people say you resemble? J: This woman that I work with said that I looked like Tom Cruise when I was getting off of my motorcycle.

N: Yes, I can see the “Top Gun” connection. It wasn’t because you were wearing a bomber jacket and Blue Blockers, was it?
J: No, I think it was just because of the bike.

N: Who is the superior boyband? Is that an oxymoron?
J: Probably. I’m going with N’SYNC.

N: Gore or Bush?
J: I’m not incredibly into politics, but I’m probably going to vote for Al Gore.

N: Kudos to you. All right, just for the sake of sass and going out with a bang (I don’t believe in puns). Do you prefer the top or the bottom?
J: Are those my only options?

N: … Right.