Converse Hall: Getting High on Life

Confession by: Leah McCombe
Photo by: Alex Vessels

Last year, after I realized I had ruined my favorite pair of black flats walking through pools of vomit in Eagle, I decided that a quieter, cleaner environment was what I needed. The obvious solution was substance free living. I needed a place where you didn’t have to check for greenish spots on the floor before you sat down in the hallway. When I arrived in August, I opened up the doors to my new dorm and felt an overwhelming dread fall over me.

The first night the RAs went over the various rules for the dorm. If you’re found guilty of smelling or acting drunk, BAM! A $70 fine. If you bring in a friend who is drunk, BAM! Happy 21st Birthday, here’s another $70 fine. If you laugh too hard, raise a ruckus, or do anything that may result in fun, BAM! A $70 fine for being insolent. Don’t worry, they won’t embarrass you though. They’ll even smile as they hand you the little pink receipt. They congratulated us for making such a wise decision to become dorks. To end everything on a high note, the five RAs got up and began dancing to N’Sync. Now, do you all know the song, “It’s Gonna Be Me?” Well, they decided it would be clever to change the words around to “It’s gonna be free.” Songwriters watch out.

Yesterday, as I was walking down my hall I saw a poster for a hall program. “Color and watch ‘Lion King’ on Saturday night!” There’s something about 20-year-olds that watch Disney cartoons in a large group while coloring that makes me giggle. I have a bad feeling I’ll be reading about these people in “Child Molester Weekly” someday.
One amazing thing about my dorm is the religious energy surrounding the place. On Friday nights everyone herds to Intervarsity, Campus Crusade, Jocks for Jesus and God knows what else. Oh, by the way, if you don’t love Jesus, you have to move your ass back with the drinking heathens in the other dorms. To ensure that you don’t go to Hell, you also must put little religious poems on your door. I think I can recite “Footprints” by memory at this point just from walking to the front door everyday. I have my own ways of getting religion in this place. I’m wondering if Beast qualifies as Communion if I drink it on a Sunday morning? Hmm.

A week ago, I was really excited to see a Harmony Club poster up on the lobby wall one day. I was surprised that a gay and lesbian support group poster would stay up for a whole two hours. Twenty-four hours later, the Harmony poster was gone.
Don’t get me wrong. Living here hasn’t been all bad. I’ve become more academic, less social and more responsible. I watch a lot of Jeopardy. Sometimes I sit in my room and play Yahtzee. Some people are meant to live in substance free dorms, and others are not. If you are extremely Christian, and believe that caffeine is defined as a drug, you will fit in just fine with the folks in substance free living. God help you.