Hell Phones:

Has Technology Made Us Lose Our Manners?

Text by: Cyprian Mendelius
Photos by: Alex Vessels

All of a sudden, they're everywhere. No, I'm not talking about bright orange shirts or those funny-looking scooters. They're small, convenient, fairly affordable and everybody and their baby mother has one. Well, if you haven't seen any lately, I'm pretty sure you've heard one. Cell phones. Not only do they come in different shapes, sizes and colors, but also in a variety of annoying rings. At some point you have had your day ruined by "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" shrieking from the innards of someone's Nokia.

Ah yes, technology. This is the part of the show where I tell you a smug anecdote. I'm sure you're all familiar with this scenario. So I'm sitting in my law class, trying to concentrate religiously Š on my plan to rap to the girl two rows over after class. I'm very intent on working my charm and befriending (you be the judge) this young lady without totally sparking a disaster ("Wow, you have really pretty teeth.") and making myself out to be Sketchball 9000 ("Yes, I enjoy wearing mascara, popping pills and Internet dating."). As I'm about to achieve total elevation, my Zen train of thought is shattered mercilessly by a rendition of "Lady in Red" on some girl's Sprint PCS. Mid-sentence, the professor blanks out in distraction, and shoots a sour look at the girl. Yet, this does not stop her.

"Oh hey, Mike. What's up? Yeah, yeah I'm in law class. It's soooo boring. Like who really cares about all these court cases anyway? I'm trying to be a web dee-zine-er, not a lawyer. Not a lawyer, Mike. NOT a lawyer. So tell me, did you get those Vertical Horizon tickets? Fabulous! Well, okay, I better go. I don't want to disturb my class. Later, skater."

Then the professor just shakes his head, and glances at his feet. He mutters some discouraged plea to his God under his breath before continuing with his lecture.

Now I know you think I'm trying to knock cell phones or the droves of people who own them. Not quite. Actually, you could probably come up with an argument about how I just wish I had one too. And you just might win. I'm sorry, I didn't get one from my parents when I came to school, along with my SUV, Abercrombie fleece vest, Oakleys and Birkenstock sandals. My beef here is with people who are oblivious to common courtesy and abuse their cell phones.

I mean honestly, why wouldn't you think to turn off your phone during class, in church, or at the movies? Or to set it to the popular (on so many levels and for so many reasons) "vibrate" mode? People aren't even discreet about it. That's what kills me. I understand if you accidentally leave it on, and then whisper to the person that you can't talk, hang up, and apologize.

Once they get started, oh Lord, it's over. Like they can't wait 20 minutes to call the person back. Occasionally, I am actually interested in a lecture or meeting, and instead of enlightenment, I get 10 minutes of Sally Telecom talk about soccer practice and rush events.

It is a distraction and it is an interruption. But since it's "only a cell," somehow it's okay. Would you arbitrarily stand up in the middle of class and announce to the professor, "Oh by the way, I am going to disrupt you to make a phone call/check e-mail/just call attention to myself cause I didn't get enough as a child?"

What's really great is that, after the fact, people still don't get it. Yes, Bobby Motorola, we are angrily staring at you and shaking our heads because you piss us off. We don't like our lectures and movies interrupted. Don't do it again. Or at least leave. Go out in the hallway or something.

Have you all had this one? You're at the multiplex watching the "Sixth Sense." You are with your squad, you're sipping flat soda, you're not holding your girlfriend's hand, and you're content enjoying the well-scripted film. Then out of nowhere, Susie Samsung in the row and seat right in front of you gets a call on her cellular phone. Wonderful.

"Oh hi Pierre! What's happening?" (Pause, where you expect her to end the conversation)

"Yeah, I'm at the movies with Sven and Curtis. We're watching Sixth Sense." (Pause, not nearly long enough)

"I KNOW! It's SO good! That little boy is so adorable!" (Pause, where you look at your best friend, and give him the silent signal to pull out the nine.)

"Yeah the story is really, really good. Oh my gosh! Nuh-UH!?!?!?! Shut up!" (Pause, where you shake your head and think to yourself, "Irony's a mother____.")

"Oh no! For real? You mean to tell me that the psychiatrist is actually ____?"

OHHHHHH WAIT! She just ruined the movie, and for everyone! Instantly! (By the way I wasn't about to do the same.) Forget the fact that she can't resist the urge to converse. She could have easily gotten up and taken the conversation outside. Could have, but didn't.

So please, for those of you who can't figure it out, your conversation can wait. If for some reason it can't, take it somewhere else. While I'm at it, why don't you do the rest of us a favor? Turn it off.