Where can you find good porn in Harrisonburg? In a little niche across from Court Square in the heart of downtown lies the Hole in the Wall.

When asked what the Hole in the Wall was, sophomore Lauren Weiss replied "I heard it's a porn place where you can buy body jewelry." And she was right. In case you haven't heard the stories, Hole in the Wall is the 'Burg's downtown porn and hippie shop.

The store began nine years ago when a newsstand owner named Ralph Desarno decided that, due to popular demand, it would be in his best interests to move Time magazine off his stand and give "swinger" magazines a chance. So what, exactly, does the Hole in the Wall have to offer the common JMU students? Incense, black lights, jewlery, penis-pleasing paraphanelia, clit-tickling contraptions, and butt-ass naked videos and magazines as far as the eye can see.

The Hole carries an erotic magazine selection the likes of which you've never seen behind the counter at 7-Eleven. Everything from old favorites like Cheeks and Juggs, to newer more risque magazines, such as Pussy Parade, Latin and Black Inches, Crazy for Cock, Black Tail, Freshmen (young men), and Hustler's Barely Legal (the store's best-seller) are available for your "reading" pleasure. Desarno not only carries the classics — Playboy, Playgirl and the original Hustler — but also carries the future of porn: Private Millenium in not one, not two, but three dimensions complete with 3-D glasses!

The Hole also houses an enormous collection of more interactive porn in the form of movies and DVD. The movie and DVD selection has titles to titilate all types of fetishes: Blowjob Fantasies 5, Asian Island Whores, Homo Italiano, Dr. Fellatio, Gang Bang Angels, Ancient Secrets of the Kama Sutra and even a Xena rip-off called Conquest. Remember these movies are for sale, when part-time lovin' just won't do, or for rent, to quench your desire on a tight budget.

The novelty section as you first enter the store can help the porn shop virgin ease into the more hardcore section. The most popular novelty item is a drink called Ready Clean, which claims to be a temporary detoxifier that can cover up any illegal substances in a person's system for up to five hours. Items like shot glasses, posters, cards, incense and body jewelry begin the transition. X-Rated Socks that demand "F*ck my socks off" and "69" are a must have. They have all types of condoms, from lollipops and glow-in-the dark to Tungdoms and even JMU-esque jimmy-hats with a Duke Dog look-alike (minus the robe) on the package.

The adult toy section is home to 16 different types of penis pumps (no, they don't carry Austin Powers' Swedish version), some of which have rulers imprinted directly on the side to help measure your progress. It is also home to a wide selection of dildos, even ones that have suction cups at the base for easy manuevering, and vibrators made out of plastic, silicone and the industry's newest innovation — cyberskin, which retains heat, has a more realistic feel and incorporates foreskin and veins into the faux penis design. There are furry hand-cuffs for more tame S&M buffs, strap-ons "for the girl who wears the pants," and an Anal Beginner's Kit or Butt Plugs for the more advanced lover. Also available are cyberskin bums complete with double holes and protruding lips, turtle-shaped Clitoris stimulators, WET lubricant in up to a 32-ounce size and even sugar-free for diabetics, Sta-Hard Desensitizer, China Shrink Cream for the woman who is a little too loose, and the absolutely necessary For-Play Adult Toy Cleanser.

Thirty percent of Hole in the Wall's customers are JMU students and the rest range in age from barely legal at 18 to senior citizens and "come from every walk of life" says Desarno. Junior Ross Wolcott said, "The place is a little shady but I think Harrisonburg needs bongs and dildos." The store no longer carries drug paraphanelia after it was busted in June 1998. But Desarno does plan to bring back more of the tapestries and hippie stuff the store used to carry. Nevertheless, Desarno and his Hole perservere against crazy rumors and so-called competition. "We were first and all of the other stores try to follow the Hole in the Wall. For the most part I just want people to come in and get a laugh," Desarno said.