So, as we sit here preparing this next issue, we really can't think of a damn thing to say, except that we have SO much to do. Yeah, we're getting tired of everyone's lame "I've just been SO busy!" excuse. But, it's really been a taxing time. Of course, even crunch time can't hold Turf back. We just can't stop. It's like we're possessed. And this small amount of time until winter break just ain't gonna cut it. Professors are realizing they need some extra grades, so now they're trying to push some extra tests off on us.

Now that you have gorged your hearts out during Thanksgiving, we certainly hope you're prepared for the long nights up clenching your vittles from Sheetz or other late night convenience stores. To help you cut through the convenience selection, this issue brings you the high points of each store whether you look like hell and are up cramming for a test, or you look damn fine coming from the club. If you see Dwight "Big Baby" Brown hanging at Sheetz, tell him you saw his interview here first. We all saw how agoodguy4u's career skyrocketed after Turf broke the story first.

Has school made you develop an anger problem or an ulcer? Blow off some steam by participating in the start-up fight club at Ashby. Take a few swings at your opponent and you'll be good to go. Or is the other kind of frustration building up in your loins? We have everything you wanted to know about the resources available at local porn shops. Or try the All Together Fun Pages in the back. At any rate, chill out. Have some fun, after all, it's just college.

Love,

Alex and Deb

*agoodguyforyou Update*

Ahh, the power of Turf. After agoodguy4u appeared in the last issue, media frenzy ensued. Who knew this local 30-something bachelor was such a closet celeb? After the Turf exclusive, our friends at JMTV invited "Jake" onto the show for an extensive question and answer session. Later the same night, "Jake" was a guest on the WXJM talk show, "Viewpoint."

During his JMTV segment he put on his best casual, suave air while answering questions about his ideal woman, food, and dancing. Still, who could take his smooth bachelor schtick without noticing that "Jake" was wearing a faded woman's Express sweatshirt?

Can the JMU ladies really believe that he will generously wine and dine them when he's sporting tattered mid-'90s womenswear on television?

Stills courtesy of JMTV