We knew this online registration thing was a disaster when last fall, the system went down faster than Monica Lewinsky. Even though we expected the worst, the (gasp) in-person registration was a dream come true. No dialing random numbers or screaming at computer screens in public. What a blessing it was to speak to a human.

So, did the Registrar's Office learn their lesson after last year's fiasco? Nooooo! They shoved http://ECRAPUS.jmu.edu down our throats. They slapped us in the face by installing a computer system that has hours! How does a bunch of wires, ones and zeros close down shop?

To mask this rancid odor of failure, the Registrar's Office unveiled a new, larger schedule book for Fall 2000 Registration. We found our copy bundled on a commons garbage can, which is quite fitting, considering the heinous antique novelty cover shouting "Wanted Easy Registration. Just point and click."

I don't think so, ECRAPUS! Change that motto to "just sign in, then click students, then click enrollment, then click add a class, then click 1008 to signify the fall semester, then click ok, then click search, then call x3737 when the goddamn browser doesn't work!"

We have our own plan of action for a so-called "Easy Registration."

1. How's about not finding the book on a trash can with D-hall ice cream on top of it?

2. How's about installing a desassified system that works like a real computer— YOU tell it what to do! Have humans lost control here?

3. As much as we love the Internet, how's about not having to look for the number "1008" every time I want to add a class?

4. How's about saving the money on a novelty cover? Put that money toward hiring someone to answer x3737.

5. How's about thinking of a not-so-postmodern computer mumbo jumbo name for stupid tasks? Aren't we all sick of hearing the word "PeopleSoft" anyway?