Story by: Nick Faber

     It's amazing what a bored person can find on the Internet. Over winter break, I got a temp job at a Fortune 500 telecommunications office in Reston as a receptionist. If you've seen "Office Space," it was just like working at Initech. I was like Peter, doing only 15 minutes of actual work a week. The rest of the time, I either played Free Cell or surfed the Internet.

     My first day at work, I followed a bunch of links and ended up at possibly the most addictive Web site ever, www.amihotornot.com.

     Here's the basic premise of the site: First of all you choose if you want to rate pictures of men or women. Then, you just sit back, mouse in hand, and assess picture after picture of complete strangers. Your vote is averaged in with hundreds or thousands of others, cast by some other sickos like yourself. I mean, who came up with this idea? Who are you or I to judge someone else on their looks and let them know about it?

     But then I really thought about it (because I had plenty of alone time with my brain) and I started wondering what kind of person would submit their picture to be subjected to the opinions of voyeurs, perverts and bored folks like me. So, of course, I decided to submit a picture myself.

     Now, since I was at work in Northern Virginia and my computer was still in Harrisonburg, I had very limited resources through which I could obtain a digitized photograph of myself. But, I finally grabbed one off of my friend's Web site. It was about three years old and it was a bad picture anyway, but I ended up with a 7.6 (out of 10). That's not very hot at all. Maybe I just think too highly of my roguish good looks.

     While voting myself, I noticed something very interesting in the trends of the other voters, especially with pictures of women. (I always select "women only," just because I feel more comfortable eyeing strange women than men. That's just a natural part of virtual voyeurism.) What I noticed was that the women seemed to be rated better if they wore less. I swear, some really "not hot" girls were averaging around 8 or 9, simply because they exposed their midriffs. And cleavage will always tip the scales.

     I can't help but think, "What's wrong with our society?" It's fair for me to say that this fun little site is a reflection our priorities and values. First of all, our culture is one of status. That's especially evident with the recent popularity of gargantuan SUVs and Abercrombie gear.

      I also wonder why some of these people put their pictures up there in the first place. Peruse some of the awful photographs. If you're really ugly, you probably know so. So, why do you need thousands of strangers to affirm your bad looks? I was disheartened by a 7.6. I can't imagine logging on to a Web site everyday and seeing an abundance of ones and twos.

     Back to my theory of status symbols and how they influence our perception. Like I said earlier, some unattractive girls in nice clothes or skimpy clothes were deemed "hot," and I think it's just because of how they were dressed. I put this theory to the test myself. Now, I'm not saying I'm that hot in the first place, but I wanted to see if I could manipulate my ratings by wearing different clothing. And using my results, I could determine how I should dress if I want to be hot. I had my boy, junior Ryan Pudloski, take a few shots of me in various garbs from my own closet.

     The Pictures My first pose was the "artsy guy." I wore a black mock turtleneck and with orange-tinted glasses. I messed up my hair, and made a really forlorn expression on my face. I held up a copy of "Hamlet" and a Belle and Sebastian CD. I wanted to make sure this one reeked of pretentiousness. Within 24 hours of posting this picture, I had accumulated 260 votes, with an average rating of 8.3. Some people even gave me nines and tens.

     My next alter-ego was the "frat boy." I gelled my hair nicely. I put on my puffy vest, with my American Eagle sweater underneath it. I had my picture taken in front of an Olde English 800 malt liquor banner, to try to enhance the image as much as I could. This picture earned me an 8.5, after 258 votes, with even more nines and tens. I guess cyber-chicks really dig frat boys and OE.

     The third picture I submitted was my "cowboy." I got this really cool cowboy hat over the summer, but I've always hesitated to wear it in public. Well, thanks to 255 mouse clicks, you won't soon be seeing me on campus with that gosh-dern hat. I pulled a 7.6 without a single vote of 10. Ouch.

     So, what the heck is my point? What lesson did I learn from this experience, and what can I pass on to you? Maybe frat boys get all the chicks for a reason. A vest and a little AquaNet can go a long way. But it also pays to be an intellectual, as long as you wear your love of culture on your sleeve. But leave the rootin' and tootin' to sexy country singers. Maybe I should have held a guitar or something.

     Maybe there's no real point at all. It's just an arbitrary Web site existing in a virtual, intangible space. And what about the voters? Obviously they're indulging in some kind of guilty pleasure by rating the way other people look. I'm sure there's some dude out there, bitter about his recent break up, giving every woman a one to spite womankind. So, I guess only one question remains: Am I HOT or NOT?