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[ last updated: May 2.01 ]
Stalk to You Later …. I Mean
Talk, talk … I meant to say talk to you later.By: Cristin Palumbo
Have you ever found yourself in this situation? If you have, you are not alone. There are so many boys and girls out there that are just jonesin’ to talk to that intriguing stranger they always "happen" to run into. So, maybe you’ve noticed this person in your class and you think "I’d like to get me some of that", or maybe you wake up next to them and find they are surprisingly more attractive than you would have expected after the night you had. It doesn’t matter how your paths crossed, the point is they crossed and now you are hooked.
This is what my friends and I like to refer to as the beginning of a new relationship. First you must decide what you are going to call your new beau.
This will help you distinguish them from all your other love interests of the week when talking about them to your friends, and also so that the rest of the world has no idea who you’re referring to. Something like "football boyfriend" or "library girl" will do just fine.
You may be thinking to yourself, "Cristin what the f**k are you talking about?", so let me explain. I am talking about all the D-hall, IM, "going to class an hour late so you can ride the same bus as that hot guy" STALKING (sure, pretend like you don’t). You know you all do it, some just do it a little better than others. So here is some stalking etiquette from someone who HAS NO EXPERIENCE IN THIS AREA WHATSOEVER.
The key is to keep enough distance so that you don’t seem creepy. God forbid you ever have to talk to this person, you don’t want to be recognized as the weird guy that was lurking around the corner after class.
Whether or not you have seen this person naked or not has no bearing on the situation, the same stalking rules apply:
1. If you are on the bus with your hottie, and they happen to get off at the same stop as yours – DON’T FOLLOW THEM - resist. If possible, send your roommate after them while you casually stroll in the other direction.
2. Don’t leave an IM name that you got from a friend of a friend of your stalkee on your computer. You will only be tempted to write them after a few drinks, but you have to remember that THEY DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
3. You can MAKE FRIENDS with their friends, just remember not to MAKE OUT with their friends. This will get you closer but ultimately give the wrong impression. Again, if your roommates are willing to help, get them to share some of the hooking responsibility.
4. If you are going to stalk from your windows remember:
dark outside + lights on inside = THEY CAN SEE YOU TOO
5. If you are talking to your stalkee’s friends, and they say something along the lines of; "Oh, there’s his car" or "That’s her building" – never reply "YEAH, I KNOW".
You never know, maybe you’ll end up at the same party as your infatuation, or walk into class on the first day of school and find them waiting with an empty seat next to them… fate works in mysterious ways. Deciding whether or not to approach the opportunity or letting the fantasy linger is a tough choice, either way, have fun with it. Trust me on this one, fake relationships are waaaaaay easier to maintain than real ones. And don’t bother your friends with threatening to break up with your stalkee when they don’t talk to you in passing, they are your friends… they know you guys will never really break up.