It seems like everybody and their mama has been hitting UREC this semester. All of the guilt-ridden holiday indulgers, New Years resolvers and spring break preparers are all clamoring for the same machines, courts and attention. I, like the others, have also hopped on the UREC train.

Who knew physical effort could be so fun? In addition to your regular exercise plans, why not try a Freshen's smoothie before your "Yogafit" class, take a dip in the pool, enroll in a fitness class, get a fitness or nutrition assessment or even go on a nature outing?

All of these are just some of the many options University Recreation offers. As a user of the facilities, I compiled some tips that'll prevent you from looking like an clumsy oaf.

1. Never wear a shirt that says something that you'd never have the nerve to say aloud.

Sure, you coached kickball and you have a shirt that says "manager" or "coach." Rock on. But please, I don't care if it was in the bargain bin at The Athlete's Foot, don't wear any cheesy slogans like "Go hard or go home," "Fear this," "Second place is first loser," "We're working ours off to kick yours" or anything you thought was bad ass in seventh grade. Can we really believe that you're so hardcore while doing the mortifying exercises on the "hip abduction" machine?

2. When walking through the locker room, keep your eyes half closed.

Seeing your professor naked is worse than sitting on a thumbtack. Once I made the mistake of changing near the showers and had the misfortune of seeing two professors in the buff discuss the extended forecast. I felt like I had just stumbled upon My Lai. And I still can't look some of my professors in the eye.

3. You have two minutes, no more or less.

The Precor Elliptical Fitness machines are the most popular pieces of equipment in the building. After a machine opens, the person next on the waiting list has 120 seconds to claims his or her spot. If the person next on the list fails to show, the following person may go. Once I had a sturdy, brassy young miss who was after me take the machine right from under my nose as I waited for the next person. Don't let me catch you in the street, Cherie.

4. Wipe off your machine, please.

Most humans perspire while exercising, it's natural. That's why UREC lends towels and holds your JAC card as collateral. So, there is no excuse for leaving a puddle of butt/back sweat on that machine, Mister. Non-students are the worst offenders.

5. Only ladies can (sometimes) wear lycra or spandex.

Look, I know you're built, cut, whatever. That's cool. You don't need to whip out the mock European gym-bunny style tank tops, tights or the elastic waistband lifting pants to prove it. I trust you.

6. They can see you in the mirror, you idiot.

Ever think of making fun or pointing out people in Fitness Level One (free weights)? Don't make an asshole out of yourself and do it there — people can see your reflection, dummy!

7. The pool/ hot tub/ sauna area isn't make-out city.

Save it for Springer Break. Friday and Saturday isn't couples only, so why are Marcia and Billy making out in the hot tub? And why was Matt staring at Billy in the sauna? UREC isn't the place to make it hot, unless you're working out, of course.

8. Don't Pull a D.J. Tanner.

In my all-time favorite episode of "Full House" (Season 4, Episode 76), semi-plumpkin D.J. Tanner has a 22-minute bout with anorexia/over-ambitious exercise tendencies at the local gym. After fasting, she goes to the gym, mounts a stairclimber machine, goes full speed on the highest intensity, and collapses. ("Deej!") Although I've fantasized about dramatically collapsing at UREC, it wouldn't be the most attractive way to be wheeled out. Keep your workout reasonable and be sure to consult an instructor before pursuing lofty fitness objectives.