------The Village------

The Village ... sparkling melodies ooze from the windows of an enchanted magical dwelling place where little dwarfs lick lollipops and sit together, giggling upon their toadstools. Listen carefully to their sweet music; it seems to be changing ... it's no longer the tune of the pied piper ... it's "Back That Azz Up." The name "Village" can be a little deceiving.

Living here could bring to life a freshman's fantasy, but it would hardly be appropriate for your fairy-tale books. In fact, as I found out from talking with some kids from each of the seven all — freshmen, Village-area dorms, some pretty crazy stuff goes on around here. For the sake of this article, it was up to me to assess the stories I heard and to rate the all-freshmen Village dorms in order, from sexy (1) ... to nasty (7).

1. GARBER:

This dorm seems to always have something going on. Renee Hodgkins told me that at Garber, "You can walk outside at three in the morning and find twenty people to talk to."

Meghan Bouchard added to that by saying, "The people here are all on the same wavelength. Everyone's really sociable and friendly." John Catarius summed up life in Garber when he told me, "Good times, lots of nice people. People do crazy things here!" Too bad no one would let me in on exactly what kinds of crazy things, for the fear that it "might be incriminating."

2. DINGLEDINE:

This is the dorm that caused a little confusion during the first week of school. It was referred to as Dingleberry, Dingledong, and lots of other interesting names. These names might imply that this dorm gets some nasty points, but there's enough good stuff going on at Dingledine to speak for itself.

I walked over there Wednesday night around 9:30 to find a group of sexy-looking students sitting outside talking, and passing around a Black & Mild. They were all in good spirits and we got to talking about life in Dingledine. Stephanie Sgroi told me, "I absolutely LOVE living here!"

Then Pat Boytek pointed out something that, I guess, gives this dorm ... character. He told me, "Someone drew cock n' balls with markers on all the doors."

3. WHITE:

This dorm is located at the top of the hill in the Village. After hiking up to the top, I sat down with an anonymous White resident who was taking a cigarette break from her chemistry homework. She didn't have too much to offer about life in White, but enough was going on around us to hold my interest.

First of all, each room in any of the Village dorm comes equipped with one huge window that stretches from bed-level up to the ceiling.

Many freshmen forget that these windows exist. Often times, hanging out around the table outside becomes more like a peep show than a social gathering. This was the case: a guy in a room on the first floor proceeded to drop his towel and leisurely try on a few pairs of pants until he found the perfect fit.

Then, a cluster of four girls came running outside screaming and laughing and proceeded to shoot him through the window with a water gun. I asked the stressing chemistry girl if this was a typical night at White and she said that it was.

4. IKENBERRY:

This dorm is filled with surprises. For example, the girls in A302 were pretty surprised to find the drain of their bathroom sink clogged, overflowing and stinking one morning. The girls confronted the suspected yakker and to their embarrassment realized it was only Chef Boyardee.

I was also told that in Ikenberry there are some strange hair drying rituals going on as well as some gospel singing.

5. HUFFMAN:

This is the Village's all-girls dorm. The hallways are even painted pink. Many of the girls living there told me that being placed in a single-sex dorm was not something that they requested and the news came as somewhat of a disappointment. However, "Girls just wanna have fun" and when you walk past Huffman you can usually hear at least one suite singing about it.

Alice Keany told me, "The girls here are all really nice, however, we DO appreciate visitors of both genders!"

6. WEAVER:

I don't think I've ever met anyone from Weaver. When I approached Weaver, there was no one outside. It seemed empty ... maybe everyone was out, or sleeping or something. As I turned to leave, I heard a male voice exclaim from a first floor room, "Yeah baby, that's how you do it!" I guess someone's got it going on in Weaver.

7. HANSON:

Not to be confused with the mmmmmbopping brothers, this is the Village dorm closest to Godwin. I spoke to three Hanson girls, all on separate occasions, who told me that being gymnasts, living in Hanson is an advantage because it is so close to the gym. "That's about all," they said. However, I think this dorm deserves the "nicest potted plants" award.

Most freshmen seem to, for the most part, enjoy living on campus, especially in the Village. However, I talked to a few who were just a little disgruntled about the whole dorm-life situation at JMU. Nick Adams, a sexy dirty blonde freshman, told me about his bad luck, "I hate living in an upperclassman dorm [Chandler Hall]," he said. "It's dirty and there's weird people here. It's a hassle to have to step over a moat in the bathroom."

Will Knight also had a gripe about sharing a bathroom. However, he handles the situation by "using the three-ply method." Another freshman, Zack Sayegh, who can be found riding his bike from Blue Ridge every morning, doesn't mind the distance as much as he minds the fact that at JMU, "There's no waves!" Well, it is Harrisonburg.

Living on campus has its ups and downs. But it's a unique experience designed to kick off the "best four years" that lie ahead. So to all the sexies and the nasties out there ... make the best of it!